


Survivorship

by AzuraJae



Series: Melancholic Tragedy [2]
Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Study, F/M, Game: Resident Evil 2, Game: Resident Evil 2 Remake (2019), Game: Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles, Gen, How Leon joined the government, Interrogation, Mental Breakdown, Minor Leon S. Kennedy/Ada Wong, Minor mentions of Claire Ada and Sherry, Post-Resident Evil 2, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25032058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzuraJae/pseuds/AzuraJae
Summary: Shaking, Leon stared at his jittery hands, feeling as though they had transformed into blocks of ice. He had grabbed the officer’s hands and tried to pull him out. He tried, he really did. Please. He did. Leon felt like throwing up. He roughly jerked his hair to get himself to calm down, pulling some of his hair out, trying to still the bubbly feeling in his throat, tapping his feet impatiently. He still smelled the blood.“I-I couldn’t...I…coul..” he muttered like a broken record, clenching his hands over and over, wondering if he had just been stronger. He could have...
Relationships: Leon S. Kennedy/Ada Wong
Series: Melancholic Tragedy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812781
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Survivorship

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of a sister fic to another fic in this series (Sonder). You don't have to read it to understand this fic, but it may make some sense to read it first before reading this as they share the same themes. I just finished playing the RE2make and I sort of just began writing this soon after I finished the other fic, mostly because I really wanted to delve into Leon's psyche and pick apart how he must feel. 
> 
> Like Sonder, this fic's canon is a mix between the RE2make, the original, and the Darkside Chronicles version of the story. This whole scenario was based off the original RE3 epilogue card and the final cutscene of the RE2 portion of The Darkside Chronicles, but has story elements from the RE2make version. I guess you can say this is the 'RE2make' version of that scenario.

Leon sat in the dark room with his head in his hands. It was quiet, with a single light ahead illuminating the room with a clinically cold feel. His mind was racing, his heart was pounding, it felt so claustrophobic in this large empty room.

Echoes of voices rang through the silent air.

 _“Open the door!”_ A terrified voice screamed, almost deafening. _“Open the damn door!”_

Shaking, Leon stared at his jittery hands, feeling as though they had transformed into blocks of ice. He had grabbed the officer’s hands and tried to pull him out. He tried, he really did. _Please._ He did. Leon felt like throwing up. He roughly jerked his hair to get himself to calm down, pulling some of his hair out, trying to still the bubbly feeling in his throat, tapping his feet impatiently. He still smelled the blood.

“I-I couldn’t...I… _coul_..” he muttered like a broken record, clenching his hands over and over, wondering if he had just been stronger. He could have...

 _“I’m sure you did all you could, Leon.”_ Comfort. But empty.

At the time, those words were comforting. Leon had essentially decided to marry himself to duty as a rookie cop and having a superior officer like Marvin had stilled his panic and fear. Things were fine, it was fine. But it wasn’t, Leon knew that, but he didn’t want to believe it. He knew that Marvin was dying at the time. 

Maybe if he had been faster. If he had done it all faster, maybe he could have gotten Marvin some help. He should’ve helped Marvin no matter what, it was on him that he left his superior behind. 

He clenched his eyes shut, trying to forget the blank eyes as bloody clawed hands reached for him. Leon blinked quickly, realizing that the many faces of officers and people he’s been forced to shoot had all blended together into a horrific symphony of bloody growling faces in his memories. 

The officers had thrown him a party. That had startled him when he had first opened the door to what would have been their shared office. A warm, fuzzy realization inside was quickly replaced by sadness and horror as he was forced to put down the very officers who were so eager to welcome him in. Leon had solved the little trick they did on his desk, maybe if the outbreak never happened he would have laughed. Leon had touched his nameplate with a heavy heart, trying to ignore the feeling of nausea as his eyes trailed gasping squirming corpses on the floor, swimming in puddles of blood. It didn’t feel real. 

He had to owe it to them, to remember. He had to. 

But he didn’t really remember his names. Nor their faces. Blank faces stared at him within the recesses of his mind. Disheveled hair, gray pus colored skin, dripping with blood, all wearing tattered uniforms, growling accusations at him. 

Their _names_ ! What were their _names_? 

Their faces? He _couldn’t_ remember!

How _could_ he?

Leon wanted to rip out his eyes, but instead he spent a moment clenching his fists together, resisting the urge to claw out his eyes in shame. Feeling even more trapped than ever, Leon tried to force his thoughts to a different direction. But was stopped by even more memories and voices at every turn. 

The reporter, the one in the jail cell. The one he _should’ve_ opened sooner. He should have, he should have. Claire had told him before she had left earlier, that Irons was an awful man. He should have known, it frustrated him that he didn’t. Now because he didn’t, that man had his head crushed and all Leon could do is stand and watch.

What about the shopkeeper? The one who had his daughter. Where was he? 

A sense of sheer terror and obligation overcame Leon.

He was still in Raccoon City, he needed _help._ The panic made Leon jump out of his chair before he realized where he was. He was still stuck in that interrogation room, there was no way they were going to let him out. There was nothing he could do now. His feet itched as he kicked the chair with his dirty shoes, making it jump back noisily.

Even if the shopkeeper wanted to be alone, Leon should have waited and checked up on him after a while. He was right, it was his duty as a cop. It was too late now and he would never forget the blank stare of his daughter’s face, staring past her crying father.

Leon flinched when he swung his arm too hard around and there was a dull, sticky pain in his shoulder. He licked his lips, deciding that it was best to sit down again on the chair. He looked over to his wound, touching the dirty gauze with his fingers. He tugged at it, and winced when he found that it stung pretty badly. Probably shouldn’t touch it right now, he didn’t know if Ada had taken out the bullet when she treated him.

 _Oh._ That’s right.

Ada.

He had been so preoccupied with taking care of Sherry after Claire left to go find her brother that Ada had sort of slipped his mind, maybe he had forced himself to forget because it all still haunted him. Leon absent-mindlessly touched his lips, remembering that she had given him a kiss before. The memories seem to overlap with him staring down at her as she fell to her death. It horrified him, that he couldn't really remember her face outside the final sad look she had given him before she was gone. There was a deep longing feeling inside him, he was having trouble recalling how her voice sounded like. Leon had...really liked her, despite of what she had done. He'll...he'll really miss her. Leon has never been really a romantic person, he's never officially had a girlfriend and has only gone on a handful of dates that never went anywhere. Leon felt like Ada had shown him something new before it was immediately ripped away from him. And it was all...his fault. 

His hands began to shake again. It had hurt so much to hold on to her, his shoulder had felt like it was on fire. Leon could almost feel his flesh ripping open again as he held on to her. But he couldn’t let her go. But her hands slipped through his fingers and he could do nothing. Again.

The emotions and memories became too much to bear, his head fell onto his hands again, just like moments before. 

The thoughts in his mind were like tiny insects, scampering every which way with no rhyme or reason. Every step they took, it felt like someone had struck a needle into his brain, injecting them flashes of memories he couldn’t even remember properly right now. His throat felt like it was bubbling soup, urging him just to just give in and break down. Feeling frustrated, Leon grinded his teeth together and dug his hands in his palms, hoping the physical pain would outweigh the terrible pain inside.

Just as the feeling overwhelmed him, a sound in the real world snapped him out of his stupor. Someone had entered the room. He couldn't see them because it was so dark, but it was enough to make Leon's anxiety kick in.

The young cop jumped in shock, scrambling to his feet and jerking his shoulder, causing it to bellow out in pain once more. Leon grabbed at his shoulder, and involuntarily whining.

“Are you alright?” A man he has never seen before appeared by his side. Leon stared at him, bewildered that he was seeing another human and not a zombie or some other grotesque creature. The man had a kind look to his face behind his glasses, it kind of reminded Leon of his own father, back when he was a kid and afraid of monsters under his bed.

At the moment, memories of now flooded back to him. Leon remembered that he and Sherry were apprehended by the military by the side of the road. They had at first, stuffed him in one room, where disembodied voices talked to him for hours. They drilled him with questions and Leon tried to answer honestly, but they kept trying to peel back his answers, to reveal ‘the truth’. Whatever that meant. Eventually, Leon got too tired and his words slurred a bit and it sounded as if whoever was interrogating him was getting frustrated with his answers. They had threatened him, telling him that both him _and_ Sherry were under their control.

He was done with not being able to save or protect anyone. That threat alone had given him enough lucidity to pay attention and answer more questions the best he could. Eventually, when he just physically couldn’t go on anymore, someone had come in at the time and offered him some pills and a glass of water, claiming him that they were painkillers and that he had been ordered to take them. Leon had been apprehensive at first since the military hasn’t been the nicest people so far, but knew that the pain he was feeling was growing unbearable. He had taken them and soon afterwards, they had shuffled him to another room. 

On the way, he had met Sherry, who he was glad was alright. They didn’t talk long and they unceremoniously locked him in another room, this room he was in right now. They had locked the door and Leon sat on the chair glumly, not sure what else to do. He must have gotten lost in his thoughts and memories in the silence.

“I’m fine.” Leon managed to say, looking at the man apprehensively. 

The man didn’t say anything more and walked over to the other side of the room. He tapped a card on the side and the room lit up. It blinded Leon for a moment, who dumbly stared at the now lit room. There was a desk that he never noticed before in the corner, which the man moved between them. The man seemed to pull another chair out of nowhere and sat at the desk. 

It was then Leon noticed that the man was carrying a styrofoam cup of some kind. He placed it in front of Leon, who noticed the light steam coming from it. 

“Come, sit down. You look tired.” The man told him. It wasn’t an order this time, it sounded like a genuine request. 

After a moment of dumbfounded silence, Leon finally got his legs moving and pulled up the chair he was sitting on so now he was sitting across from the strange man. He was careful not to touch the table and to keep his distance and he thought the man was going to bark at him to get closer, but he didn’t.

The man gestured to the cup. “It’s Green Herb tea. Blended with the best leaves one can buy.” 

“Huh.” Leon looked at the cup blankly, unsure what he should do with it.

“It’s for you.” The man explained, smiling gently. “I thought you could use some, you look very tired, Leon.”

“Oh...uh…” The kindness made Leon uneasy, but the man seemed so unlike the other people he has met here so far. Leon didn’t trust him, but what does he have left to lose right now? He licked his dry lips. “Thank you.” Leon reached over and touched the cup and was graced by a soft warmth he hasn’t felt in such a long time.

There was a small silence as Leon brought the drink to his lips. As the bitter taste graced his tongue, Leon felt a refreshing feeling wash over him. It was different from shoved crumpled herb leaves into his mouth and being forced to chew while running away from danger or jamming the herbs into his still wet, bloody wounds to get them to stop bleeding. 

His other hand fluttered to his neck, where his fingers traced the scabbing bite marks from the many zombies who had tried to rip his neck out. Not wanting to imagine how they looked, he focused on the warm feeling in his fingertips, letting warm drink envelop his aching body.

“You must be Leon Kennedy. My name is agent Adam Benford, but you can just call me Adam.” The man introduced himself. “I work for the government.” He paused for a moment. “I’m sorry for the lackluster welcome to our facility.” Leon saw his eyes dart to his bandaged shoulder. 

Leon wanted to retort, but he held his tongue. He sipped his tea quietly, listening to Adam. He was waiting for him to start drilling more questions at him. The young cop just wanted to get over with it.

“I’m not here to ask anymore questions, I feel like you’ve had enough of that now.” Adam told him. “I was worried about how they were treating you. I had to fight some superiors to get granted a meeting here with you.”

“Right.” Leon replied curtly, unsure whether or not to believe this story, but it felt nice for once, to not have someone bark orders at him. 

“I’ve been told that you were top of your class at the police academy.” Adam continued. “It’s not everyday someone as young as yourself gets such high marks.”

Leon felt the back of his neck prickle when he heard this. He shouldn’t be surprised that the government knew who he was. It was to be expected, he supposed. “I guess.” 

There was a silence that followed and Leon could tell from the corner of his eyes that Adam seemed to be deep in thought.

“How are you feeling, Leon?”

“Huh?” The rookie cop looked up, surprised that he was even asked such a question. No one has asked him anything like that since he got there. He felt weirdly touched. “Oh uhm…” His eyes darted around, confused on how to answer. 

“It might be difficult to answer right now, I’m sorry for asking.” sympathized Adam. “I just couldn’t help but notice how distressed you looked. On top of your injuries, I’m surprised you are still awake.”

“I...I-I’m a police officer. Or, I would have been.” Leon avoided Adam’s gaze. “It’s my job...I-I...”

“But it’s hard.” nodded Adam understandingly. “I can’t imagine what kind of memories you have to live with now.” He gave him an impressed look. “You must be very strong.”

Those words made Leon’s head shoot back up and lock eyes with Adam. At that very moment, all those memories, the screams, the blood, it all danced at the back of his eyes. He stared at Adam, who patiently looked back in earnest. It was sort of crazy, Leon realized, to be staring back at someone who didn’t experience the horrors back at Raccoon City. It felt like Leon was dreaming.

“Hah.” Leon smirked involuntarily, chuckling at how heavy it all felt. “I’m not _that_ stro-” The last bit came out as a half laugh, tears threatened to come out. He blinked a couple times to get it to stop. “There’s a... lot of memories now.” His voice wavered as he swallowed back the tears. He brought a hand to his head, feeling a bit dizzy from how it all felt.

“I admire your strength.” The agent said seriously. He had folded his hands in front of him and looked at him straight on. It made Leon feel he could trust him. “Not everyone has the power to make it through a tragedy like this.”

Leon looked down again, getting frustrated with these compliments, but he didn’t really know exactly why. It wasn’t like he didn’t like hearing them, but he just didn’t know why Adam was telling him all these things. The words contradicted with the accusatory curled bloody fingers of all those who had died in Raccoon City. It made him feel confused and angry.

“W-what’s this all about?” He fired back, a little too harshly. 

On instinct, Leon squeezed the cup with the tea, splintering the Styrofoam sides a little. What liquid was left dribbled through the cracks. Leon realized what he had done and let go of the cup in surprise. It wasn’t that hot anymore, but Leon was surprised how angry he was. The frustration fizzled away and was replaced by the familiar sense of guilt. 

“My apologies.” Adam apologized before Leon could himself, completely ignoring what Leon had done to the cup. “I’ll get right to the point.”

The agent looked at Leon again seriously, meeting Leon’s exhausted blue eyes.

“What happened in Raccoon City is a tragedy.” He started. “For a while now, I had been keeping tabs on the company responsible for this, The Umbrella Corporation.”

The name sent shivers down his spine. Suddenly the anger boiled up again, almost overwhelming. He remembered Ada speaking about them back at the city. He looked to Adam, bewildered that he knew about them.

“I had no idea how far they had gotten.” He had a look of great regret in his eyes, which Leon found himself empathizing with. “If I had known, perhaps this tragedy would have been averted.”

 _How nostalgic._ Leon thought, as he heard Adam’s words.

“That’s why, I decided now I cannot let a tragedy like this happen again. I am in the midst of forming a team of specialized agents dedicated to fighting or preventing bio-terrorist attacks like this.” Adam then looked to Leon, who seemed almost taken aback by the fierceness in the gentle man’s eyes. “That is why I wish to recruit you to that team, Leon Scott Kennedy.”

Leon wasn’t sure what he was hearing at first. It took a moment for that statement to register in his very tired brain. “ _Me?_ ”

“That is correct.”

“B-but I’m just a cop! Not even one really, I didn’t even really get to finish my first day on the job!” Leon exclaimed, flabbergasted by the offer. This surprise seemed to overwhelm any feeling of dread or guilt he felt. 

“There’s a reason I wanted to reach out to you, Leon.” Adam said in a serious tone. “I know it may be rash of me to ask this of you now, seeing that you only just managed to get out of danger. I honestly hate to put you through more pain if you don’t have to, but you have personal experience dealing with the threat and have the skills to back it up. I see no better fit for the team than you.”

This offer scared Leon. 

It occurred to him that he was _only_ a 21 year old guy, barely an adult some could say. A couple years ago, he had only just graduated high school and then entered the police academy. At the time, he was only focused on one thing, to keep people safe as a cop wherever he was stationed at. But this stuff was _serious,_ like _really_ serious. It was bigger than just being a cop in some city, this might affect the whole United States, hell, maybe even the _whole world_. Leon swallowed nervously. He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle the weight of that responsibility.

There was a discernible sad look on Adam’s face. It looked like Adam didn’t really want to make this offer to him in the first place. 

“I won’t lie to you, Leon. Joining this team won’t be an easy life.” Adam confessed after a moment. “You very may well be exposed to more of the horrors you experienced in Raccoon City. It will be very difficult to live a normal life and you may not be able to meet up anymore with any friends or family you may have. I won’t blame you if you turn down this offer.” He pushed up his glasses.

Leon was at a loss for words, unsure how to reply. He wished that he could call his parents and ask them what they would do in this situation, but he didn’t really want to worry them, especially since they didn’t really talk much ever since he left home anyway. Also, Leon didn’t think the military would let him call home and spill the beans about everything he experienced anyway. He felt very vulnerable, being forced to make a big decision like this on his own. He wondered what Claire would do in his situation.

“And don’t worry if you do decline the offer.” added Adam. “I’ll do all I can to make sure you are safe. It’s only fair for your service in Raccoon City. But…” He took a deep breath. “This is a chance for you, Leon.”

“...A chance?” Leon asked, finally scraping what voice he had left to speak.

“In your police officer application, you claimed the reason you wanted to become an officer of the law is to help and protect people.” Adam said, magically producing a file on the desk. He opened it and right before Leon was the application he had filled out years ago. It sent waves of nostalgia through Leon’s tired bones. “Is that statement still true?”

When Leon looked down at that paper and saw the words he had written down oh so long ago, he suddenly found himself staring at the teary desperate eyes of the shopkeeper back in Raccoon City as he held his dying daughter. He felt frozen as he watched the scene play before his eyes. 

_“You’re a cop.”_ The father’s anguished words echoed in his head, almost in disgust, most definitely in the utmost pain. “ **_You’re_ ** _supposed to know something - how did this happen!? HUH!?”_

Those words that stung him. It still did. It hurt him that he couldn’t do anything to help the man and his daughter. Leon wished that he had an answer to give, but he didn’t. He could only look on in stoic sand silence as the father had to bring his daughter in to ‘put her to bed’. Leon could still remember the gunshot from inside coming from behind that door. He was sure that the sound would haunt him every time he tried to close his eyes to sleep.

At the time, Leon had turned his frustration on Ada, who he had thought had known what had happened. He remembered the determination he felt at the time, the words he said. The look on her face as he said those words to her.

 _“I want to find out what’s happening here. And stop whoever’s behind it. Helping people like them...that’s why_ **_I_ ** _joined the force!”_

The father’s desperate accusatory pleas and his own words at the time seemed to resonate with the blend of featureless faces and voices that called out to him in his mind. They reached at him with bloody hands and crying out at him with their empty white eyes, scraping at the insides of his mind with their cracked nails. Names and faces he didn’t remember, the guilt he felt. The feeling was so intense, Leon was sure he was going to throw up.

After a moment, Leon realized that he was again looking down at his application again. These flashbacks were getting intense, Leon wondered if he was hallucinating. He looked up at Adam, who had been quietly sitting this whole time, watching him with warm, kind eyes. 

Leon brought a hand to his head, pushing his grimy hair out of his eyes before finally finding his voice again. “After an experience like that, I don’t think I even can return to a normal life.” 

He looked to Adam, who gave him a sad look in response. 

A dark feeling washed over his face as he gave Adam the most serious, determined look he could muster. “I’ll join your team. I want to stop whoever’s behind it. So no one _ever_ has to go through what happened back there again.” 

_“So no one has to go through what I went through.”_ Leon added quietly in his head. 

Despite the fact that his offer had been accepted, Adam didn’t seem to have a pleased look on his face. “Thank you, Leon.” he thanked him.

An air of silence followed. There was still a chance to turn down the offer, before he sealed the deal. Then he remembered Sherry, the little girl who seemed so happy to see him. The echo of that threat earlier resonated with him once more. He’d owe it to Claire to keep Sherry safe. 

“Before I agree, I want to request one thing in return.” Leon said seriously. Adam raised his eyebrows questionably. “Leave Sherry, the girl, alone. She’s innocent.”

“She knows too much, I cannot guarantee that the government will let her go.” The agent answered honestly. “But I can at least guarantee her safety.” He nodded. “I’ll do all I can.” 

Leon was not happy with this answer. He didn’t like the idea of Sherry living out her life in government custody, but was there anything he could do right now? Though, if she was safe, then Leon couldn’t really ask for anything more.

“That’s all I ask for.” Leon replied.

Adam got up, prompting Leon to get up from his chair as well, though his knees wobbled, still tired. Leon had almost forgotten that he was still wounded and hadn’t been treated yet. Before his knees buckled from the weight, but Adam had come over and grabbed him by his arm to stabilize him.

“Let’s get you treated, Leon.” Adam told him, giving him a small pat on the arm after making sure he was well enough to stand. “You’ve been in this room long enough. This is no way to treat a new agent.” 

The agent then stretched out his arm in a formal handshake. 

Leon breathed in deeply and took Adam’s hand, shaking it firmly. “Happy to be aboard, sir.”

“You can just call me, Adam.” The agent said with a smile. “We’re equals here. Don’t hesitate to let me know if you need any help, Leon.” 

“Okay...Adam.” Leon couldn’t help but smile a little. He’s been having a hard time here, but Adam easily trumped the whole experience with his kindness and honesty. 

Adam started walking towards the door, making a call for someone on his little earpiece, something about a gurney and treatment, probably for him Leon guessed. Good, Leon wasn’t sure he could stay awake any longer, the painkillers probably have long worn off by now. Adam gestured for Leon to follow him and he did. 

As he exited the room, the lights shut off again, giving Leon a dull surprise. He instinctively looked behind him, where he saw the empty chair and the cracked styrofoam cup still on the table, illuminated by that same single light that taunted him in the darkness before. . 

A noise drew his attention ahead of him, where he saw people who guessed where probably nurses approaching him and Adam with a gurney. As they got closer, Leon suddenly felt himself grow very tired. All his adrenaline had long since been drained away and seeing that he was finally allowed to rest made his limbs feel like jelly. He just managed to hang on until the gurney approached him and he was vaguely aware that he was loaded on the gurney. Maybe Adam was talking to him, he can’t really tell anymore. 

_He was so tired._

His eyes began to drop close as he felt people beginning to fuss over him. His head fell to the side, where he could see the inside of that dark interrogation room again. He focused on that lonely, broken cup sitting sadly on that table. Leon sympathized with it, strangely enough. 

Leon’s mind wandered into the depth of sleep as his vision was finally overtaken by darkness. He has been alive for quite a bit, and he’s had a lot of memories since his birth twenty one years ago, but his head was tragically only filled with the day in Raccoon City. His old life seemed so different and alien to him now. He was jealous of how he used to feel. 

Feeling a bit sad, Leon wondered a bit about what his life would have been, if this whole fiasco never happened. It felt like it would have been fun, being a cop there with those people.

_“Well...”_

Leon closed his eyes.

_“There was no use asking that kind of question now.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Leon's experience with a mental breakdown is sort of based on a breakdown I had myself (not because of zombies though, lol), so it was in a way, extremely cathartic to write. I kinda wish the RE2make had a cutscene on how Leon got recruited into the government like in The Darkside Chronicles, maybe they will when they make the RE4make, I heard they are expanding the story a lot.
> 
> Anyways, I feel extremely sorry for Leon. I didn't realize the first time I played RE6, but Adam Benford was a really good friend of Leon, it doesn't really seem he has many friends. He was basically forced to shoot his close friend of a decade in the face. I do hope they touch more on their friendship in the remakes. I also hope Leon has closure sometime soon. I love him and would love to keep playing games with him as the protagonist, but he's getting old. Let him rest.


End file.
